I am looking for one more stop for the next Business Blog Book Tour.
It will taking place the last week of September. You get a free book and a chance to chat with the author.
If you are interested, drop me a line at todd at 800ceoread dot com and I will tell you more.
Good writing skills are essential for success in business. You are going to write reports for your superiors and they are going to be decisions based on what you have written. You will write a cover letter or two as you move from job to job. On occasion, you may be responsible for send out plans for Happy Hour.
The serious folks will send you to The Elements of Style or On Writing Well. I wanted to suggest an something. Quirk Books has come out with an alternative: How Not To Write: An Office Primer for the Grammatically Perplexed. It is one of those books with a small trim size and you will only have 159 pages to read. Author Terence Denman has given reader 10 sets of tips and myths. One combination is “Chopping Off Your Unwanted Auxiliaries” and “You Can’t Have a Comma Before And“.
I like the book. It is short and punchy, and you can put the 5 page points to work immediately.
All my life, Ive believed that anyone can learn to win with
people. All it takes is a belief in people and a sincere desire
to help them. I hope that after reading this book, you believe
that too.
We also hope that you will embrace the practices Les and
I have endeavored to teach. If you have already tried some of
them out, then youve probably already discovered that they
really do work. If you want to learn to master all of them,
then heres how I suggest you proceed: put yourself on a
twelve-week program for winning with people. After starting
with you, select two of the practices and do them every day
for an entire week. If you do that, you will go through a
process where you will . . .
You may not feel instantly comfortable doing some of
them, but there isnt a single one you cant master. And of course, keep adding other practices that you learn on your
own or from others. You can never learn too many ways to
win with people.
Heres to your success: may you keep winning by helping others win.
Researchers call it a commitment script. Its part of a persons life narrative that is particularly meaningful and personal. From my own experience and from numerous studies,
I can attest to the fact that when you tap into it with another
person, when you take the time to explore it and remember
it, you will make an extremely valuable connection.
To apply Johns teaching to your own life . . .
Forget about:
Telling your own story and listen to the story of others.
Ask:
Whats your story?
Do it:
Bring up some aspect of a persons story the next
time you see him or her.
Remember:
Everyone loves to tell his story.
There are so many good reasons to learn a persons story. Here
are just a few that keep motivating me to continue this prac-
tice with others:
Requesting a persons story says, “You could be special.”
Remembering a persons story says, “You are special.”
Reminding a person of his or her story says, “You are spe-
cial to me.”
Repeating a persons story to others says, “You should be
special to them.”
The result? You become special to the person who shared
a story with you.
There are really just three small steps when it comes to
embracing this practice in order to win with people. The key
is to cultivate the habit of actually taking these steps with the
people in your life.
When you meet someone new, after the introductions
and initial pleasantries, dont hesitate. Dive in and ask to
hear the persons story. You can do it any number of ways: you can flat-out ask, “Whats your story?” You can request that he
tell you about himself. You can ask where he is from or how
he got into the field hes in. Use your own style.
If youve never tried this kind of thing before and you
worry that it might be awkward the first few times you do it,
then practice with people you are unlikely to see againthe
driver in a cab, a passenger on a plane, a waitress in a restau-
rant. Once you become comfortable asking questions of total
strangers, the rest will be easy.
Years ago I came across a list of suggestions for good lis-
tening. (I think I clipped it from Bits and Pieces.) Here were
some of the tips:
The main idea is to really focus on the other person. The
problem many people have is that while the other person
speaks, they are thinking more about what they want to say
when its their turn instead of focusing on listening. When
you give people your undivided attention, then you are in a
better position to achieve the next step.
Some people have a knack for numbers, others for names
or faces. But just about everyone has the capacity to remem-
ber stories. Small children remember them. And stories have
been recited and sung from memory for thousands of years.
Even long stories, such as the Iliad and the Odyssey
believed to have been created nearly three thousand years
agowere sung for three centuries before being written
down. Stories stay with us.
A couple of years ago, the conference department at Injoy
received a letter from Ellis Brust, formerly of St. Michael and
All Angels Episcopal Church, that tells the power of remem-
bering a persons story. Heres what it said:
One of my leaders in the church has just opened a fran-
chise fast-food place in the small East Texas town of
Gilmer. He is in business with two other men in the
church and they are committed to running the business
with sound Christian principles. I took him to hear John
three or four years ago and he recalled Johns Nordstroms
stories [about how their employees go the extra mile]. He
has tried to train his employees using these principles.On the first week of operation, he overheard two lit-
tle old ladies talking about the soft drink selection and
one of them was disappointed that there was no Diet Dr.
Pepper offered. He spoke with the woman who was dia-
betic and preferred Diet Dr. Pepper to other diet drinks.
He got in his car, drove to the 7-11, purchased a six-pack
of Diet Dr. Pepper, took the woman a cup of ice and a can
of the drink. He told her that there would always be a case of Diet Dr. Pepper in the refrigerator with her name on it,
and she just needed to tell the person at the counter who
she was and what her beverage preference was and she
would get it.The shocked woman said, Young man, I have been
in this town my whole life. I have many influential friends
and they will all hear what you just did for me. Thank you,
and we will be regular customers.I thought you would want to know one small way
your work is changing lives. Keep up the good work.
Was what the restaurant owner did a big deal? Did it
change the ladys life? No. In fact, we dont know if he ever
talked to her again or learned anything else about her story.
But he made her feel special, and it served her well. If we care
about people, really listen to them, and try to remember their
stories, we can make an impact on them. And we can make
them feel like a million bucks.
Many a man would rather you heard his story
than granted his request.
PHILLIPSTANHOPE, EARLOFCHESTERFIELD
“Les,” John will say, “tell me about your dad. How are he and
your mom doing since they moved to Phoenix?”
Its just like John to recall that my parents recently moved.
“And tell me about your brothers,” hell continue.
“Whats the latest with them?”
John always seems to remember my storyjust as he does
with so many people. He does it well, often, and consistently.
When he has met people, Ive heard him flat-out ask them to
tell him their stories. So I asked him how he learned to be a
collector of peoples stories.
“To begin with, I love a good storywhether Im learn-
ing about someone Ive just met or hearing about an adven-
ture from someone Ive known my whole life. In fact, when
I spend time with my dad, who is now eighty-two, our time
is always filled with storytelling. We talk about the new
things that are happening in our lives, but often the stories
are ones I have heard dozens of times. Some Dad loves to tell
over and over. Others I ask him to tell. Some I love
retelling.”
But you seem to go out of your way to get the story of
someone you just met,” I commented.
“Thats true. Whenever I have a few minutes with some-
one,” John said, “I ask him to tell me his story, because I
know that time in the conversation will focus entirely on
him, his interests, dreams, uniqueness, disappointments,
questions, hopeshis journey. While that person enjoys the
personal attention, I gain insight into the keys to his life.
Learning a persons story is a great way to connect with him.
Remembering his journey and building on it is the greatest
way to develop a strong relationship.
“Just the other day I took a taxi from the San Diego air-
port over to Coronado. And I talked to the cab driver, said
John. His name was Raphael. I asked him his story, and he
told me that he had lived on Coronado thirty-five years, and
there he had found something hed not found anywhere else
in his life: community. Every afternoon he meets his friends
at a local market, where they talk and play games. He was so
pleased that I asked and he was so delighted to tell his story
that he invited me to the market.”
That shows how great a connection you can make in a short time by simply asking people to tell you their stories. And
just imagine the impression it will make when you remember
each story: it will help you to reconnect with people very
quickly.
This interview is with Finn Jackson, author of Escher Cycle. I know this may be a grand claim, but I think that Jackson has taken a shot at a unifed theory for business. He proposes a self-reinforcing system and points to many successful companies who have used it to become industry leaders.
mp3, 44:44, 20.5MB
When most people meet others, they search for ways to make
themselves look good. The key to the 30-Second Rule is
reversing this practice. When you make contact with people,
instead of focusing on yourself, search for ways to make them
look good.
Every day before I meet with people, I pause to think
about something encouraging I can tell them. What I say can
be one of many things: I might thank them for something
theyve done for me or for a friend. I might tell others about
one of their accomplishments. I might praise them for a per-
sonal quality they exhibit. Or I might simply compliment their
appearance. The practice isnt complicated, but it does take
some time, effort, and discipline. The reward for practicing it
is huge, because it really makes a positive impact on people.
If you desire to encourage others by practicing the 30-
Second Rule, then remember these things the next time you
meet people:
All people feel better and do better when you give them
attention, affirmation, and appreciation. The next time you make contact with people, begin by giving them your undivided attention during the first thirty seconds. Affirm them
and show your appreciation for them in some way. Then
watch what happens. You will be surprised by how positively
they respond. And if you have trouble remembering to keep
your focus on them instead of on yourself, then perhaps the words of William King will help you. He said, A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A
bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a
brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you
about yourself.
Psychologist Henry H. Goddard conducted a study on
energy levels in children using an instrument he called the
ergograph. His findings are fascinating. He discovered that
when tired children were given a word of praise or commen-
dation, the ergograph showed an immediate upward surge of
energy in the children. When the children were criticized or
discouraged, the ergograph showed that their physical energy
took a sudden nosedive.
You may have already discovered this intuitively. When
someone praises you, doesnt your energy level go up? And
when you are criticized, doesnt that comment drag you
down? Words have great power.
What kind of environment do you think you could create if you continually affirmed people when you first came into contact with them? Not only would you encourage them, but you would also become an energy carrier. Whenever you walked into a room, the people would light up! You would help to create the kind of environment everyone loves. Just your presence alone would brighten peoples days.
Vince Lombardi, the famed Green Bay Packers football
coach, was a feared disciplinarian. But he was also a great
motivator. One day he chewed out a player who had missed
several blocking assignments. After practice, Lombardi
stormed into the locker room and saw that the player was sit-
ting at his locker, head down, dejected. Lombardi mussed his
hair, patted him on the shoulder, and said, One of these
days, youre going to be the best guard in the NFL.
That player was Jerry Kramer, and Kramer says he carried
that positive image of himself for the rest of his career.
Lombardis encouragement had a tremendous impact on my
whole life, Kramer said. He went on to become a member of
the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame and a member of the
NFLs All-50-Year Team.
Everybody needs motivation from time to time. Using
the 30-Second Rule helps encourage people to be and do
their best. Never underestimate the power of motivation:
Motivation makes it possible to accomplish what you should
accomplish.
One of the great side benefits of the 30-Second Rule is
that it also helps you. You cant help others without also
helping yourself. Benjamin Franklin realized this truth, and
he encouraged others with it. In a letter to John Paul Jones,
Franklin wrote:
Hereafter, if you should observe an occasion to give your
officers and friends a little more praise than is their due,
and confess more fault than you can justly be charged
with, you will only become the sooner for it, a great cap-
tain. Criticizing and censuring almost everyone you have
to do with, will diminish friends, increase enemies, and
thereby hurt your affairs.
If you want others to feel good about themselves and to feel
glad every time they see you, then practice the 30-Second Rule.
Remember this: those who
add to us, draw us to them.
Those who subtract, cause
us to withdraw.
Social psychologists have studied first impressions for
decades. If you want to make an impression that is lasting and
positive, we now know what works and what doesnt. And
Johns 30-Second Rule is one of the most effective means for
finding success in this area. In research its called the primacy effect, and its initial impact goes a long way in making others feel connected with you.
To apply Johns teaching to your own life . . .
Forget about:
Searching for ways to make yourself look good.
Instead, search for ways to make others look good.
Ask:
What positive, encouraging thing can I say to each
person I will see today?
Do it:
Give everyone you meet the Triple-A Treatment
attention, affirmation, and appreciation.
Remember:
Within the first thirty seconds of a conversation,
say something encouraging.
He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.
SAMUEL JOHNSON
One of the most valuable lessons in winning with people that
I have ever learned from John is the 30-Second Rule: within
the first thirty seconds of a conversation, say something
encouraging to a person.
John is a master at it. While I was sitting in a meeting at
one of his companies a short time ago, John entered the room
and within just a few minutes said something encouraging to
each person around the table.
David, I heard you hit it out of the park this morning on
that conference call.
Larry, you are making me look so good with that consul-
tation in Denver. Thank you.
Kevin, I just saw the numbers for April. Nobody else in
the world sees and seizes an opportunity the way you do.
Les, Im so glad you made the trip out here to be with us
today. I know youre going to add tremendous value to our
discussion.
Very early on, John had genuinely encouraged each one
of us. And it seemed almost effortless. Since I was trying to
learn more about Johns winning ways with people, after the
meeting I asked John to tell me about what he did. Thats
when I first heard the term the 30-Second Rule.
I learned this from my father, John said. Years ago, he
was the president of a college, and I would often walk across
the campus with him. He continually stopped to say encour-
aging things to the students. When I was tempted to com-
plain, I would look at the students faces and realize Dad had
deposited good words inside of them.
People never forget that kind of encouragement, John
continued. Yesterday I talked to my dad on the phone, and
he excitedly told me about his many former students who
keep coming to Florida from all over the United States to see
him. He was surprised that they would go out of their way to
see him, but I wasnt. The 30-Second Rule that Dad had prac-
ticed with everyone every day was returning to him big time.
Ive seen you do this for years, I told John, but I never
knew it was something you picked up from your dad.
Ive learned a lot of great lessons from my dad. Hes an
incredible leader, John replied. I practice this rule every day
with everyone I meet. You see, someone once said to me, Be kind . . . everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. People
everywhere need a good word, an uplifting compliment to
fire their hopes and dreams. It takes very little effort to do, but it really lifts people up.but it really lifts people up.
25 Ways To Win With People: How To Make Others Feel Like A Million Bucks
by John Maxwell and Less Parrot
Nelson Business – June 2005
181 Pages – 0785260943
John Maxwell is a prolific writer with more than 30 books to his credit. For this excerpt, I pulled out 2 of the 25 ways to win with people.
